Well, then.

Well, hello.  It's been awhile, hasn't it?  I'm dusting off this blog without having read the old posts; it was a rough time and now I'd like to focus on the now.  And, dare I say, the future.

In case you are wondering, things did not turn out the way I would have made them turn out if I'd had any say.  But now I can honestly say that the way things turned out was exactly how they were supposed to.

I will probably elaborate in a future post but right now I really don't want to get into specifics...mainly because I feel pretty good about where we are today and where we are headed.  Those of you who know me know that it was a rough year and a half.  It's over now, though, and time to move on to better and brighter things.

So let me tell you how this story begins...

A few months ago I was bored and surfing the net.  I wasn't specifically looking for anything but, as I always do, I checked out jobs in Hawaii.  It had become a way to fantasize about what could have been and what never would be after all was said and done.  

It wasn't that I was really unhappy...I loved my job and the people I worked with.  I was happier than I'd ever been in my marriage, though I wished T didn't have to work nights.  Things were good, aside from being perpetually tired from picking up extra shifts.

Anyway, as I looked at the available jobs at the hospital in Hawaii that I'd tried to get into for 6 years I saw that there were 2 that I was qualified for:  a staff nurse in PICU and a transport nurse position.  I stared at those 2 job postings and thought:  What the Hell.

And I applied.

I thought no more about it after that.  I knew they would never contact me.  After all, I'd applied and applied, taken all sorts of tests, even spoken to HR and unit directors...all to no avail.

2 weeks later I received an email telling me that I was required to take some pre-interview tests.  I laughed to myself; I'd already taken every test in the system and passed them with flying colors.  T wanted me to call them but I just kept putting it off.  I knew that it would be just like all the other times.

After a few weeks of T pestering me about it and getting increasingly annoyed with me, I called.  Mainly to get him off my back about it.  Being constantly rejected by them really did a number on my ego.  When I called I was told that I didn't need to take any tests since I'd taken them and they would forward my application on to the appropriate department heads.

Right.

I then promptly forgot about it.

After all, I had a vacation to plan and a thousand other things that needed my attention.

Until last week.

As I watched TV and played Facebook after a long day at work, the phone rang.  I glanced down, expecting to ignore it, to be honest.  But caller ID said "Hawaii, US".  It really didn't occur to me that it would be the Hospital.  I thought it was the hotel we had booked for our vacation next month so I answered it.

And there I was being asked if I was still interested in a job I'd applied for months ago.  A job I'd coveted for years.

After a 45 minute phone call I was ecstatic.  I really thought it had gone well.  Really well.  The hope that suddenly blossomed in my heart scared me to death.  I was afraid to get my hopes up.

After 6 long days I couldn't stand it anymore and I called the director who had interviewed me.  Of course I got voice mail.  She did call me back but I had already had to gone to bed.  A 6 hour time difference really makes it hard to communicate sometimes!  We agreed that I'd call back the next day after work.

So I called.  And got voice mail.  Story of my life, right?

But then something happened.

Human resources called and officially offered me a position in the PICU.  My dream job in a dream place.

So this morning I accepted.  And now the adventure begins.

Yes, It's Been Awhile

I make no excuses...life just sometimes gets away from me.  I hope my 2 followers will forgive me :)

The planning and packing for the move is steadily moving forward.  I have officially put in notice at work (my last day is April 25th) and I've been gathering all the information needed to start as a travel nurse in Hawaii.  To say I am not a bit nervous would be a lie...I'm bordering on terrified some days.  I want this to work and to make this move not only fun and adventurous but also successful.  I keep telling myself that I'd rather do it and fail then to regret not doing it but it is still so scary to pick up and go so far away, into a fairly uncertain future.  It has definately kicked up my anxiety a notch!

So, let's see...where exactly are we in the process?  Well, as I said, I've turned in notice and am registered with a nurse travel agency.  Half the hotel reservations for our epic cross country adventure are made.  I'm on the verge of reserving a Hawaiian condo (waiting on a return email).  The movers have been booked.  And I've started packing.

I've discovered something while packing.  Something my family has probably known for years.  I am a mini-hoarder.  I have a lot of trouble letting go of things because I attach meaning to them.  Sometimes it's very personal, like the things I have of Joey's.  My love for him is so attached to his things that I have found it literally impossible to let any of his things go.  Other things are more tied to my past and are a bit more complicated to explain.

I was going through the stuff in the dining room today.  Stuff like large bowls, bakeware, serving dishes...stuff you rarely use but when you do, you don't want to have to go out and buy it.  I found myself feeling irrationally angry that I really should just leave this stuff behind and get stuff there as I need it.  It's silly really since I generally only use that stuff on holidays and, since we will be so far away, it is doubtful I'll need all the large stuff for just the three of us.

As I'm typing this, I'm having a little "aha!" moment.  Maybe that's the whole point.  It will only be the three of us and rarely will the other kids be with us and probably never all at the same time.  Letting go of my huge salad bowl has somehow tied itself to letting go of my children, something I really don't want to do.

I didn't set out to have an epiphany while writing this...it just sort of happened, didn't it?  I have an awful lot to process now...

So....Why?

I've had a lot of people ask me why we want to move to Hawaii.  Aside from the obvious (it's paradise...HELLO!), what started it was my husband's ambitions.

My husband is the smartest person I know.  He may work as a paramedic but his true love was always research.  Specifically marine biology and coral genetic research.  His dream was to go somewhere where he could do research for a living.  For that kind of research, we had 3 choices:  Australia, Florida, and Hawaii.  In the first 2, he'd have to actually go away for months at a time to live on an island and do his research.  While he may at times prefer this, I would not.  That left Hawaii and the University of Hawaii.

As I began researching the university and the hospitals there I began to get on the bandwagon.  U of H has a pediatric nurse practitioner program and the children's hospital services the entire South Pacific with fixed wing transport.

It still took me a few years before I was really comfortable planning such a big move.  I didn't want to leave my older kids and, frankly, I was scared to fail.  As the kids got older and moved farther and farther away with their own lives I decided it was time to live my own, scared or not.

I've run into a lot of people who have tried to talk me out of it.  "It's too expensive"  "It's too far away"  "What will you do with no family?"  I don't know if people think this is spur of the moment and that I've done no research on it at all, or what.  Yes, I know things cost more but I'll also be making more.  Yes, it's far away but there are planes.  Yes, some family will be far away but some of the most important people in my life are coming with me so I think we'll be ok.

No other news on the ER job yet.  I'm continuing with my planning as if it doesn't exist.  I have a lot to do in a short 9 months!

Take care of yourselves.  Smile as if you are up to something.  And hug someone for no reason.

Peace.

Thank you, God

Tonight will be a short post...today was an even longer day than yesterday if that's possible!  Darn full moon strikes again.

I want to give a shout out to Kate, my one and only follower...thanks to her, I had 44 page views yesterday!  I guess I better start writing interesting stuff, huh?

No news on the Hawaii front today.  Not surprising since it's a holiday weekend.  For these few days I'm concentrating on work, homework, and my grandson's birthday party on Monday.  My plan is to call them on Tuesday.

For those of you who are walking into this in the middle (which is similar to turning on the tv in the middle of a show), the cliff notes version is while we are definately planning to move in June, my dream job popped up on my search engine last month so it was decided that I'd apply for it.  The job is a residency program for seasoned critical care nurses to cross train to ER.  Anyway, I've passed a pharmacology test and had a phone interview with the educator and now I'm waiting on a video interview to be set up.  Waiting a long time and getting frustrated.  I just keep telling myself that what happens is what is supposed to happen and even if I don't get this job, we are definately going to Hawaii in June.  Did I accidently pray for patience?!

I did learn one thing today.  I went to work today with the mindset that I may as well have a positive attitude because positive or negative I was going to have to be there anyway.  What I learned was that when I have thoughts like that, God likes to have a little giggle at my expense.  All in good fun, right?  Everytime I turned around, something new was thrown at me making it very hard to keep that smile glued in place.  Gotta love Him, right?  The smile is still there, albeit a little crooked, and I have only one more day to work before my days off.

Take time to laugh today.  Tell someone you appreciate them.  And in the words of my grandma (as said to me everytime I complained about something):  "Have you thanked God for that?"

Peace.