Well, then.

Well, hello.  It's been awhile, hasn't it?  I'm dusting off this blog without having read the old posts; it was a rough time and now I'd like to focus on the now.  And, dare I say, the future.

In case you are wondering, things did not turn out the way I would have made them turn out if I'd had any say.  But now I can honestly say that the way things turned out was exactly how they were supposed to.

I will probably elaborate in a future post but right now I really don't want to get into specifics...mainly because I feel pretty good about where we are today and where we are headed.  Those of you who know me know that it was a rough year and a half.  It's over now, though, and time to move on to better and brighter things.

So let me tell you how this story begins...

A few months ago I was bored and surfing the net.  I wasn't specifically looking for anything but, as I always do, I checked out jobs in Hawaii.  It had become a way to fantasize about what could have been and what never would be after all was said and done.  

It wasn't that I was really unhappy...I loved my job and the people I worked with.  I was happier than I'd ever been in my marriage, though I wished T didn't have to work nights.  Things were good, aside from being perpetually tired from picking up extra shifts.

Anyway, as I looked at the available jobs at the hospital in Hawaii that I'd tried to get into for 6 years I saw that there were 2 that I was qualified for:  a staff nurse in PICU and a transport nurse position.  I stared at those 2 job postings and thought:  What the Hell.

And I applied.

I thought no more about it after that.  I knew they would never contact me.  After all, I'd applied and applied, taken all sorts of tests, even spoken to HR and unit directors...all to no avail.

2 weeks later I received an email telling me that I was required to take some pre-interview tests.  I laughed to myself; I'd already taken every test in the system and passed them with flying colors.  T wanted me to call them but I just kept putting it off.  I knew that it would be just like all the other times.

After a few weeks of T pestering me about it and getting increasingly annoyed with me, I called.  Mainly to get him off my back about it.  Being constantly rejected by them really did a number on my ego.  When I called I was told that I didn't need to take any tests since I'd taken them and they would forward my application on to the appropriate department heads.

Right.

I then promptly forgot about it.

After all, I had a vacation to plan and a thousand other things that needed my attention.

Until last week.

As I watched TV and played Facebook after a long day at work, the phone rang.  I glanced down, expecting to ignore it, to be honest.  But caller ID said "Hawaii, US".  It really didn't occur to me that it would be the Hospital.  I thought it was the hotel we had booked for our vacation next month so I answered it.

And there I was being asked if I was still interested in a job I'd applied for months ago.  A job I'd coveted for years.

After a 45 minute phone call I was ecstatic.  I really thought it had gone well.  Really well.  The hope that suddenly blossomed in my heart scared me to death.  I was afraid to get my hopes up.

After 6 long days I couldn't stand it anymore and I called the director who had interviewed me.  Of course I got voice mail.  She did call me back but I had already had to gone to bed.  A 6 hour time difference really makes it hard to communicate sometimes!  We agreed that I'd call back the next day after work.

So I called.  And got voice mail.  Story of my life, right?

But then something happened.

Human resources called and officially offered me a position in the PICU.  My dream job in a dream place.

So this morning I accepted.  And now the adventure begins.

Yes, It's Been Awhile

I make no excuses...life just sometimes gets away from me.  I hope my 2 followers will forgive me :)

The planning and packing for the move is steadily moving forward.  I have officially put in notice at work (my last day is April 25th) and I've been gathering all the information needed to start as a travel nurse in Hawaii.  To say I am not a bit nervous would be a lie...I'm bordering on terrified some days.  I want this to work and to make this move not only fun and adventurous but also successful.  I keep telling myself that I'd rather do it and fail then to regret not doing it but it is still so scary to pick up and go so far away, into a fairly uncertain future.  It has definately kicked up my anxiety a notch!

So, let's see...where exactly are we in the process?  Well, as I said, I've turned in notice and am registered with a nurse travel agency.  Half the hotel reservations for our epic cross country adventure are made.  I'm on the verge of reserving a Hawaiian condo (waiting on a return email).  The movers have been booked.  And I've started packing.

I've discovered something while packing.  Something my family has probably known for years.  I am a mini-hoarder.  I have a lot of trouble letting go of things because I attach meaning to them.  Sometimes it's very personal, like the things I have of Joey's.  My love for him is so attached to his things that I have found it literally impossible to let any of his things go.  Other things are more tied to my past and are a bit more complicated to explain.

I was going through the stuff in the dining room today.  Stuff like large bowls, bakeware, serving dishes...stuff you rarely use but when you do, you don't want to have to go out and buy it.  I found myself feeling irrationally angry that I really should just leave this stuff behind and get stuff there as I need it.  It's silly really since I generally only use that stuff on holidays and, since we will be so far away, it is doubtful I'll need all the large stuff for just the three of us.

As I'm typing this, I'm having a little "aha!" moment.  Maybe that's the whole point.  It will only be the three of us and rarely will the other kids be with us and probably never all at the same time.  Letting go of my huge salad bowl has somehow tied itself to letting go of my children, something I really don't want to do.

I didn't set out to have an epiphany while writing this...it just sort of happened, didn't it?  I have an awful lot to process now...