On being a grandma

I became a grandma again today for the third time.  As I look at the pictures my son has sent me I am so full of love for this little person that my heart feels like it will explode.  It is not something I ever expected back in the years before I had grandchildren, when my own children were little.

Don't get me wrong...I knew I'd love them when I got them.  I just had no idea on the intensity of feeling that would overwhelm me when I look at the children of my children.  I always thought I could never love anyone as much as I love my kids but I was wrong.  When I look at the grandchildren I have been blessed with, I realize that my children have given me such a beautiful and unexpected gift. 

I see my children in my grandchildren...along with bits and pieces of me, their dad, my parents, his parents...and so on...

I see the past in my grandchildren but, more importantly, I see the future.  As I've watched them grow, I am amazed at how my children have grown right along with them.  Is there any greater blessing?

In this haze of grandmotherly pride there is a little part of me that realizes no one is perfect but that part is silenced when I look into the faces of my grandchildren and think...

THIS is perfection. 

Well, then.

Well, hello.  It's been awhile, hasn't it?  I'm dusting off this blog without having read the old posts; it was a rough time and now I'd like to focus on the now.  And, dare I say, the future.

In case you are wondering, things did not turn out the way I would have made them turn out if I'd had any say.  But now I can honestly say that the way things turned out was exactly how they were supposed to.

I will probably elaborate in a future post but right now I really don't want to get into specifics...mainly because I feel pretty good about where we are today and where we are headed.  Those of you who know me know that it was a rough year and a half.  It's over now, though, and time to move on to better and brighter things.

So let me tell you how this story begins...

A few months ago I was bored and surfing the net.  I wasn't specifically looking for anything but, as I always do, I checked out jobs in Hawaii.  It had become a way to fantasize about what could have been and what never would be after all was said and done.  

It wasn't that I was really unhappy...I loved my job and the people I worked with.  I was happier than I'd ever been in my marriage, though I wished T didn't have to work nights.  Things were good, aside from being perpetually tired from picking up extra shifts.

Anyway, as I looked at the available jobs at the hospital in Hawaii that I'd tried to get into for 6 years I saw that there were 2 that I was qualified for:  a staff nurse in PICU and a transport nurse position.  I stared at those 2 job postings and thought:  What the Hell.

And I applied.

I thought no more about it after that.  I knew they would never contact me.  After all, I'd applied and applied, taken all sorts of tests, even spoken to HR and unit directors...all to no avail.

2 weeks later I received an email telling me that I was required to take some pre-interview tests.  I laughed to myself; I'd already taken every test in the system and passed them with flying colors.  T wanted me to call them but I just kept putting it off.  I knew that it would be just like all the other times.

After a few weeks of T pestering me about it and getting increasingly annoyed with me, I called.  Mainly to get him off my back about it.  Being constantly rejected by them really did a number on my ego.  When I called I was told that I didn't need to take any tests since I'd taken them and they would forward my application on to the appropriate department heads.

Right.

I then promptly forgot about it.

After all, I had a vacation to plan and a thousand other things that needed my attention.

Until last week.

As I watched TV and played Facebook after a long day at work, the phone rang.  I glanced down, expecting to ignore it, to be honest.  But caller ID said "Hawaii, US".  It really didn't occur to me that it would be the Hospital.  I thought it was the hotel we had booked for our vacation next month so I answered it.

And there I was being asked if I was still interested in a job I'd applied for months ago.  A job I'd coveted for years.

After a 45 minute phone call I was ecstatic.  I really thought it had gone well.  Really well.  The hope that suddenly blossomed in my heart scared me to death.  I was afraid to get my hopes up.

After 6 long days I couldn't stand it anymore and I called the director who had interviewed me.  Of course I got voice mail.  She did call me back but I had already had to gone to bed.  A 6 hour time difference really makes it hard to communicate sometimes!  We agreed that I'd call back the next day after work.

So I called.  And got voice mail.  Story of my life, right?

But then something happened.

Human resources called and officially offered me a position in the PICU.  My dream job in a dream place.

So this morning I accepted.  And now the adventure begins.