And then I look in a mirror. Suddenly, that compassionate, kind, loving person is not there. When it comes to how I treat myself, judge myself, and think of myself I am a bully.
It has to stop. The bullying is killing me slowly.
I'm not sure how this change will occur, but I am working on it. No more hiding. No more negative self-talk. More acceptance and love.
Are there things I need to change about myself? Sure there are! But I've come to understand that change does not have to come with hateful thoughts and feelings. Change can come with love and kindness. I'll even go so far as to say change made with hate is unsustainable while change made with kindness will last a lifetime. The effects of how I treat myself will then become ripples on a pond, affecting those around me.
I ask myself, "what do I want to teach my children? Especially, my daughters?" If anyone bullied my kids the way I bully myself, there would be Hell to pay. I want to teach my kids to stand up to bullies. Especially when that bully is their own inner voice. I want to teach them it can be done. That they can love themselves while still wanting to make positive changes.
The first step is admitting there is a problem. And that's what I am doing now.
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