Lately, I've been thinking a lot about friendship. I see people around me who seem to be able to make friends easily and I am so envious of them. It has never been easy for me to make friends but never in my life have I struggled like I do now. As a result, I either find myself holding back from people and becoming a bystander or trusting too much too quickly and allowing my feelings to get hurt.
Don't get me wrong, I do have friends. Women I'm friendly with, gossip with, laugh with, and even go out for the occasional coffee or drink with. I even consider my husband my best friend. What I miss is that friend that you can look at and just KNOW what they are thinking, where jokes with them make no sense to anyone else. The friend that you turn to when your world is falling apart. They've seen your ugly side and it doesn't matter. The one who truly "gets" you.
I know this type of friendship is possible because I see it around me but I've not found it for myself. I don't know if it is something I'm doing wrong or not doing at all. All I know is that it is a lonely feeling to feel like there is no one really out there for you.
I don't mean in any way to minimize the friendships I do have. I have several amazing women in my life and I am very grateful for them. I think they understand what I mean when I talk about that one friend, though, that is more than a friend. The women I'm friends with all seem to have one of those and I am so happy for them. I just want it for myself too.
So, to the special women in my life, thank you.
I hope this post came across the way I wanted it to. I feel very fragile and alone right now but I am very lucky to have the friends I do have. I realize that. Sometimes, though, I think it would be wonderful to have that "sister from another mister".
No comments:
Post a Comment