It's amazing how many thoughts can run through one's head on the day of surgery. Yes, today is the day and, quite frankly, I am scared. I can tell myself all day that it's a simple surgery and that I have a good doctor but that doesn't seem to make me feel any better.
The problem with being a nurse is that you know too much. You know what can go wrong, even under the best of circumstances. My mind keeps circling around the fact that I'm not just scared, I am terrified. I have so much still left to be done and I am scared that I will lose that today.
I will admit, I am anxious in even the best of times, worried when things are going well that somehow I will jinx it and it will all go to Hell in a hand basket (sidenote: what the heck does that even mean?! I must google it!). I spend so much time worrying that I am not able to enjoy and be happy a lot of the time. I'm working on that but it's so so hard to live in the moment and not worry about the what ifs when some of those what ifs have already happened in life.
Anyway, here is the message I would like to convey today: Don't let your lives be ruled by the what ifs. It is exhausting, to say the least. Plan for the future, but enjoy the moment. Let the people you love know it! Be kinder, gentler, and more forgiving. Let go of the things that hurt or anger you. In the end, you won't regret doing any of those things but you may regret it if you don't do them.
p.s. Going to Hell in a handbasket: to be rapidly deteriorating - on course for disaster.
full story here: Going to Hell in a handbasket
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