So, I've been thinking...

Which we all know is generally frowned upon and gets me nowhere...

Anyway, I kept thinking "as soon as I can get my act together and be consistent..." and "as soon as life calms down..." and " as soon as I have something relevant and inspiring to say..."

...Well you get the idea.  I've wanted to restart blogging for quite awhile.  I so often have a ton of stuff in my head that takes up too much space and, frankly, it helps me to write it all out.  So here I am, sitting here in my pj's, gearing up for a nap (nightshift, y'all, don't get judgy), and fighting off a raging cold.  I decided to just put it all out there (briefly, for now) and just...start.  I have no illusions that I'll be consistent (though I'm hoping I will) but I do think it may help my brain to be a bit more organized.

I also kind of hope that somewhere out there in the interwebz someone will say "yeah...I feel/think/hurt/am happy/am sad/agree/identify with that too!"  I can't be the ONLY weirdo can I??

So here are the bullet points that I will elaborate on later (nap time remember?):

• I am now permanent nights...which I love for the most part but sometimes I have trouble not being lazy about it.
• We are moving in less than a week.  Not far but moving still sucks!  I have not been holding up my side of the bargain and T is getting annoyed.  He's done most of the work.
• I have taken on the job of Clinical Instructor and that's taken up a lot of time this month.  I love it but the schedule was not something to write home about.
• I also applied for a per diem pediatric/PICU RN position...because, well, I'm not really BUSY, right?
• Then there is the ever present desire to lose weight while continuing to eat crap.  I know better but I'm not sure I can do better.  I'm disappointed in myself.
• Along the lines of feeling disappointed in (aka sorry for) myself, I am supposed to be marathon training. Just over 2 months until the race and I am way behind on where I should be. 

So there it is.  Not feeling very funny or entertaining this morning.  Just sad and tired and discouraged and real.  I thought about looking for an inspirational meme or funny picture but I just don't have the energy today.

This is my new start.  I hope you'll come along for the ride.  

The first day of school

Today my youngest started Pre-K.  She will only be going there for a month before we move but I wanted her to be able to spend some time with her friends and teachers from last year.  It was bittersweet for me because it makes me sad that she will leave all these people who love her...even though I know she will make new friends and have new teachers who will love her wherever we end up.

She was really happy to be back :)

So now I'm at home, basically alone (T is sleeping).  No excuses to not get my list started.  Am I getting anything done?  Not yet. I'm drinking my coffee and contemplating what it means that my youngest is now effectively out in the world.  

It's an ending, sure, but it's also a beginning -  for both of us.  As she grows and blossoms into this amazing girl I get the privilege of walking with her and seeing this miracle.  Seeing all that she discovers, seeing the world through her young not-cynical eyes is simply amazing.  I never took the time to do that with my other kids; instead I remained too busy, too caught up in what I needed to do to get everyone through the day, week, month.  I missed so much!  I am determined not to make that same mistake.