Life Goes On

I love Christmas, I really do.  It seems like a magical time of year to me.  People seem kinder, they smile more, hold doors open, say "excuse me".  Yes, I know there are those who are scroogie (yes, it's a word if I say it's a word) but I think you'll agree that for the most part people are generally moved by the Christmas spirit this time of year.

This Christmas has seemed especially hard for a lot of people.  There have been a lot of deaths, from the 27 victims in CT to the 2 firefighters in NY.  On Christmas day, I started my day responding to a full arrest of a 7 day old baby boy.  As I held 2 of his 4 siblings in my arms and listened to them sob and ask "why?" while their parents cried uncontrollably I knew that Christmas would never be magical to them again.  Instead it would be a time of loss and hurt.

I went home last night and held Princess B for a long time.  She seemed to sense that I needed this and snuggled up close and let me hold her instead of wiggling away to the next activity.  After a few minutes she looked up at me, put her hands on my cheeks and said "I love you Mommy". 

As I said, I love Christmas.  I am, however, really glad it's over now.  I'm excited about getting my house back and moving on with our plans and now that Christmas is over...let the packing begin!

We are now in the sorting phase.  What to keep, what to store, and what to give up.  It doesn't seem like it would be that hard, does it?  Well, let me tell you, it is.  I know the rule is supposed to be if you haven't used it in a year get rid of it, right?  It is just not that cut and dried.  To me, my stuff is a tangible part of my memories.  I think that as a result of not feeling loved for a lot of my growing up years I have instead attached meaning to stuff.  A lot of stuff, unfortunately.  I'm like a baby hoarder who could grow up to be a full-fledged hoarder if I am not careful.  I just don't know how to throw away my dead son's clothes or all my children's baby blankets...the blankets I wrapped them in when they got up to eat in the middle of the night.  Or the artwork they made at school.  I'm just as bad with stuff that chronicles my relationship with my husband.  Ticket stubs, dried flowers, t-shirts, stuffed animals...you get the idea.  It's not like I don't have a daily reminder of how awesome he is but I still can't seem to let go.

I'm working very hard to overcome this issue.  I don't want to start our new chapter in life feeling cluttered or messy.  Down-sizing is the word of the day.

I'm not sure where I wanted to go with this.  I have a lot of words that I haven't had time to get out lately.  Now that we are moving forward, I'm hoping that I will be able to be more consistent here.

The plan for today:  Take down the tree, get out to the gym, play with my kid. 

Go hug someone.  Peace!