I've been thinking a lot about regret and failure. I try really hard to not regret decisions made in my past but some days I really feel it. I compare my insides to other's outsides. I wonder what I could have done differently to get what I perceive as what others have.
I decided this morning that I wanted to start from now and really work on me and my attitude. I miss feeling happy and sometimes have no idea why I don't. I sabotage myself; in so many ways! It's time to lift myself up, stop feeling sorry for myself, and be the person I want to be. It may be a bit of "fake it till you make it" at first but without starting, I will get nowhere.
I'm pretty sure that a lot of this is coming from being inside my head too much since I spent the last 10 days sick. No running, not really leaving the house, and plenty of time to find my life unsatisfactory compared to what others choose to show the world. I've always tried to share both the good and the bad but I know that not everyone does that. Instead of envy and jealousy, I need to foster self-love, gratitude, and genuine happiness for the people in my life.
So, here's to the second half of 2019! So much is happening (new job, finishing grad school, new home) and there is so much to be thankful for. Consider this my official "I'm back!" post. I will try to keep my commitment to myself (and my 1 follower: Aloha Kate!) and share on a regular basis my challenges, triumphs, and escapades.
I want to live this life, not just survive it.
Now, go hug someone just because. And hydrate.
peace.
