On being a grandma

I became a grandma again today for the third time.  As I look at the pictures my son has sent me I am so full of love for this little person that my heart feels like it will explode.  It is not something I ever expected back in the years before I had grandchildren, when my own children were little.

Don't get me wrong...I knew I'd love them when I got them.  I just had no idea on the intensity of feeling that would overwhelm me when I look at the children of my children.  I always thought I could never love anyone as much as I love my kids but I was wrong.  When I look at the grandchildren I have been blessed with, I realize that my children have given me such a beautiful and unexpected gift. 

I see my children in my grandchildren...along with bits and pieces of me, their dad, my parents, his parents...and so on...

I see the past in my grandchildren but, more importantly, I see the future.  As I've watched them grow, I am amazed at how my children have grown right along with them.  Is there any greater blessing?

In this haze of grandmotherly pride there is a little part of me that realizes no one is perfect but that part is silenced when I look into the faces of my grandchildren and think...

THIS is perfection. 

Commitment

A lot of the time lately, I feel like I am foundering.  I have a lot of great plans, goals, and ideas but I lack the follow-thru.  As a result, I feel like a bad wife, mom, and friend, and I feel like I'm failing not only those in my life, but myself as well.

I don't know if it's because of the way in which I go about things or just a fundamental lack inside myself but I do know that I'm really tired of feeling like a failure and I'm determined to change the situation.

I am done allowing life to control me.  It's time to really take stock and make the changes that I so desperately want and need in my life.

If you are reading this, you are most likely a part of my life and someone I care about.  Please know that my lack of follow thru has nothing to do with you but with my own shortcomings.  I commit to myself and to you now that these things WILL change.  Not tomorrow, not next Monday, not on the first of the month, but TODAY.

Love and light to you all...the best is yet to come!

J.